the 14th of February February 14, 2006
Posted by Mayee in : Daily Babble , trackbackHappy Valentine’s Everyone. I can’t really match that greeting with much enthusiasm coz I don’t have an ounce of enthusiasm for this stinkin day of celebration. The whole day I’ve been trailed by the sound of radio stations playing sentimental love songs.. Rubbing it in much?!
I wore black today… not red, black. Black.. the color for mourning. I mourn for myself and the loneliness that binds me in my life.. especially today. I keep myself isolated. I lock eveyone away and never let anyone in. It’s not out of choice, it’s to defend myself. Warding off the pain before it comes seems like a more logical choice than enjoying yourself and then knowing later on that it was just a big mistake. I’m not talking about romantic relationships here.. God knows I’ve never really let THAT get the best of me. It just seems right now that I’ve even gone as far as choosing the people I want to be friends with. So many people are around me but it always seems like I am alone. I don’t think anyone would ever know the things I know, feel the way I feel and think the things I’ve thought of in the dark depths of my mind. Not that I’m this dark distant person. Ask anyone.. Most of the time I’m this laughing, jolly, outspoken, joking person. But that’s just on the outside. I’m like the great wall of China. Such a wonder to the onlooker but the truth is it was built to keep enemies out… not really a wonderful thought.
Escapism has always been the thing that defines me. I run away from everything that bothers me. Now a conflict arises. The problem is me. So how can I run away from myself?
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